OUR GEEKS & FREAKS TEST THE DOORS OF N.Y.’S HOTTEST CLUBS
A 60-year-old man, a pregnant woman, a nerd and a faux hipster walk into a club … It may sound like the setup to a joke – especially to those manning the velvet ropes at New York’s trendiest nightclubs. In the rarified air of bottle service and the VIP room, these gate-crashers are radioactive, or so one might think.But how selective are places like Bungalow 8 and Cain, really? Could someone who doesn’t fit the definition of “beautiful people” somehow get in the door?
We dispatched four pigeons to brave the ropes, and the results may surprise you. While some hot spots dismissed them out of hand, you may want to bring your dad along for that next club night – or get fashion tips from “Ugly Betty.”
THE NERD
Tester: Larisa stepped out in glasses, hair bow, mom jeans and a Condi for President pin on Friday night. She was blinding. No really, the glare from her retainer blinded us.
Cain (544 W. 27th St.)
Result: Rejected!
The scene: One of the toughest clubs in New York, where most people are turned away with a “You aren’t on the guest list.”
Larisa knew someone inside who was getting a table and thought a little name dropping couldn’t hurt. After waiting on the “commoner” line and seeing VIPs seamlessly entering the club, she finally got to the front, where the doorwoman eyed Larisa from her bow-topped headband to her tan ankle boots – with exposed mismatched holiday-themed socks.
“Your friend is on the list … but he has to approve you first,” the chic, rail-thin doorwoman said.
Larisa waited . . . and waited, and finally walked away, refusing to beg approval. Our nerd had some dignity left.
Guest House (532-542 W. 27th St.)
Result: She’s in!
The scene: Larisa looked for the longest line and ended up at Guest House, where the doorman surveyed her ensemble – and miraculously let her in. On her way out, the bouncer was questioned: “Is it hard to get in here? I’ve come here before and gotten rejected.” He looked at Larisa and said, “Well, I guess tonight’s your lucky night.”
Home (532 W. 27th St.)
Result: She’s in!
The scene: Larisa walked up just as three self-proclaimed “male models” and two girls claiming to know someone on the list were denied entrance to the club. Larisa’s cheap Duane Reade glasses were giving her a serious headache, but in the name of science, she kept up her disguise and batted her eyes at the flawlessly made-up doorman.
“Are you on the guest list?” he asked.
“No.”
“Well, you look like a sweetheart, and I like your pin. Condi for president!”
Jaws gaping, she entered the packed club, definitely feeling out of place and headed straight for the bar. Larisa, relieved at the opportunity to remove her glasses, was stopped by the male bartender. “Don’t take off your glasses, Teach,” he said, proceeding to buy her a drink.
Maybe there is something to this dork thing. Whatever it was, Larisa was working it and leaving admirers in her wake.
Andrew Fox offers another perspective, suggesting that doormen have ulterior motives for letting unreasonably dorky people in the door. He says, “Females generally have an easier time getting in, whether you’re over the top or nerdy. They generally know that even the less attractive people have attractive friends.”
Don Hill’s (511 Greenwich St.)
Result: She’s in!
The scene: Tipped off that Don Hill’s was the new hipster mecca of Manhattan, she cut herself off from the club scene momentarily to see if her charm could transcend night-life genres. She succeeded flawlessly – it didn’t even seem like a challenge anymore.
THE FAUX HIPSTER
Tester: To create Monica’s fashion-forward look, we mixed a bit of Mary-Kate Olsen boho style circa 2005, and added a touch of punch-drunk Sienna Miller before the “!%$&sburgh” incident, culminating in an over-the-top look that ended up being pretty normal in the Meatpacking District of late. She went out on a Saturday night. Andrew Fox predicted that Monica would be the least successful. “They might see through that, if you are trying too hard.”
Gin Lane (355 W. 14th St.)
Result: She’s in!
The scene: After reading about the newest hot spot, Gin Lane, she was expecting the worst: club girls in vinyl, well-manicured metrosexual boys. We were sure Monica’s outlandish outfit would garner extra attention and guarantee a rejection.
Pleasantly surprisingly enough, she got in right away – no look up and down, no judgmental glare. Maybe this night spot was actually popular because of its low-key and unpretentious style.
Plumm (246 W. 14th St.)
Result: She’s in (for a price)!
The scene: Monica walked over to Plumm, instantly greeted by a doorman wearing a fur jacket reminiscent of Joe Namath circa 1969.
She shook her head when questioned about being on a guest list, and the doorman mentioned a $25 cover per person. When she started walking away, he offered half-price admission.
Geez, she could smell his desperation, but no gratis entrance equals no dice.
Popularity: unranked [?]
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